Thursday, October 30, 2008

Toe,
I really enjoyed your list of videos. I had never heard of The Primatives before, but I really liked that song. It made me nostalgic, for a parallel past. I remember songs like that.

I listened to every song on your list. Well, most of the the Farm--it was stuttering on youtube. OK, so I am going now cite a few songs that have been running through my head lately:

1. The Smiths singing the greatest song ever written.
2. This song reminds me of sitting in parking lot--yes! it's true--and listening to this song on a mix tape made for me by a very cool girl I knew. It was 1990.
3. As you know, the Go! Team have been a recent obsession of mine. There is an innocence to their music that appeals to me. Am I still such a child?
4. I know this is cheesy, but this is a deep part of me, going back to my childhood. Something about this song always makes me want to cry, and this is a good live version from the man's prime. I think it's something about that line, "waiting for a dream that just don't come." It makes me want to stop futzing around with my life.
5. Female Bulgarian singers. Jeez, there is something otherworldly about Bulgarian harmonies.
Love,
E-Word

I vote for now

Toe,
I love your posts. I have had a little beer to drink. Two, to be exact. It helps me to feel more manly while I am cooking dinner. Plus, I like having that nice beer buzz on an empty stomach.

You mentioned living in the same town all your life and running into people from the past. I feel like I have lived a kind of opposite life from you in this area. As you mention, I have moved around a hell of a lot. I have lived in 5 states, if you count DC as one, which I do. I don't run into people from my past here. I am completely separated from it, except with regards to work, and even that is at a distance. I am really only truly confronted with my past when I come to town to meet with clients, and to see you, and my family. Then, when I run into the occassional old friend or even ex-girlfriend, it can feel very awkward indeed, because I have been gone for so long.

My life at present is pretty isolated, except for people C brings into our life. Recently we had a visitor, a faculty exchange person, from a European country. She was really nice, and although she did not speak a lot of English, she was fun to have around. I liked the way she pronounced English words, the unusual pauses before simple answers (which made it seem like she was full of wonder when she did actually answer). It was a simple human contact, someone new, that brightened up my isolated world for a while.

Anyway, back to our topic: I feel like if we stay in this town, which we will for the foreseeable future, I will slowly develop a past here. I will start to feel connected, less isolated, and will one day look back at this as a wonderful place. But I know this is a great place right now--it is not perfect, not by a long stretch, but there are such great things in my life right now. The flipside of my isolation--being self-employed, setting my own schedule--is such an amazing thing. Having a home with a yard is nice, even with the awful financial responsibility and the nagging problems that I need to resolve (the siding and roof need work, I need to insulate that pipe that froze last winter)--this is wonderful. And good god, my garden is something I can't imagine life without.

Still, life in this town is slow, and I am slow to get out and make friends, meet people. The friends I have are through C, and I don't feel as close to them yet as I do to you, for instance, but they are good people overall, and maybe with time that will come, or at least some deeper friendship than we currently have.

Anyway, I am blabbing on. Now it is time for me to answer your wonderful you-tube video list.
Love,
E-word

Do you find the female form repulsive?

Toe,
I just logged in again after about 10 days and find your logorrhea has continued. I envy you, but first I had to respond to your first new post I just read, regarding the pregnant dog walker. I, too, have found some pregnant women to be hot. In fact, I find when I look at them, I imagine the sex act that got them pregnant and fantasize about it a little.

Doing my best to make you feel less strange.
Love,
E-word

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

When I see you sky as a kite

E-word,

Had a little to drink tonight- probably not enough to really impair me, but enough that my head is floating a little. I haven't yet gotten into the habit of writing, though it is on my mind. I'm still reading 'Something Happened', but I am getting near the end. I wonder what happens to Bob Slocum; does he lose his mind? The writing is getting much weirder, Bob's thoughts are pretty jumbled, like he's losing grip.

El is finally coming home tomorrow. I am glad. Having my family around is great, especially since El has moved back. The future is bright, despite all the badness in the air. We have much to look forward to.

You know, now that I don't believe in nostalgia (one of these days I'll have to reflect on why I believed the old days were ever better than now), I look to the future with a lot less fear. It can be no worse than the past was, and regardless, it will be new. Maybe not shiny or bright, but it'll be new, and maybe odds are better for the future.

Love,

Toe

Monday, October 27, 2008

Then you can flee in terror.

E-word,

I just had a funny thought; I've been thinking about buying a house, the kind that stands alone. I've been thinking about all the work that goes into maintaining a house, and I thought about talking to my older brother about taking care of a house since he does it well, and I thought about being the 'king of my castle'. With that thought came a shudder; what if I don't want to be king of my castle? Who needs the endless work of home maintenance? mowing the stupid lawn, cutting the stupid bushes, repairing the stupid trim when it gets rotten, replacing the stupid appliances when they break?

Who needs a castle?

That's all.

Love,

Toe

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why do we still live here, in this repulsive town? All of our friends are in New York.

E-word,

Is there something wrong with the fact that I've lived in the same 5 mile radius for almost my entire life? Somehow, I don't know. Some people, they move from here to there to there and back (you've done a good amount of moving since I've known you, actually), and here I am. I'm a townie. I like where I live I guess, I know El thinks it's alright, like a place to raise a family and enough Korean food to keep us satisfied, but I still wonder sometimes if I'm lacking character or something. I'm being serious.

On that note, I've been pretty isolated lately. When El is around, I stay somewhat grounded because I'm not really a social butterfly, and when I was in grad school, I had fellow students to talk to, and even on my last project, I was surrounded by people and always chit-chatting away. Now, though, I'm on a subdued project where I can just stay at my computer and do stuff. I don't manage anyone, so I don't have folks to talk to on the regular. I don't have grad school, and El is still away. I'm becoming a legend in my own mind, and I'm thinking it's because I'm not conversing regularly. I'm thankful that I'm aware of it, but I'm not always aware of it. I'm starting to believe I'm martyred or something, which I think happens when you just stew in your thoughts. I'm a little troubled by this.

Anyway, I got nothing, really.

Love,

Toe

Rock and roll will never die

E-word,

Here are some more youtube links.

1. Elliott Smith singing a Big Star cover - This made me nostalgic for music I didn't listen to when I was younger.
2. LCD Soundsystem - 'Something Great' - Generally I don't like this band, but this song I like.
3. The Primitives - 'Crash' - This made me nostalgic as well.
4. The Farm - 'All together now'
5. All - 'Million Bucks'
6. Midnight Oil - 'Beds are Burning' - You know 'Diesel and Dust' was the first vinyl I ever bought?

I have to go to work.

Love,

Toe

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

There ain't much to rake anyway in the fall.

E-word,

Fall. The weather is finally catching up to the season here- it's 40 degrees out, and wind is blowing lightly, blowing dried leaves around. As always, this time of year makes me incredibly nostalgic. I'm nostalgic for things that make me bitter, and for things that didn't happen, but I wish they did. Everything is tinged with the knowledge of slights, nowadays. I don't know why I can't just put on my rose-tinted glasses anymore, I don't know what has changed with me.

As I said earlier, people from my past have popped up in my life lately, and I think that unless we take it really, really slowly, almost from the perspective that we don't really know one another at all and we can't take for granted that our old friendship is desirable, I am totally disinterested in it. With Vvega sitting almost next to me, it feels like in a way we're trying to be friends again, with our relationship starting off from when we actually got along, but I can't do it. Too much has happened in between. On my drive home, I thought about how confrontational and challenging our friendship was for me, and while it had its good points (it does sharpen the mind), it had too many bad points, and I don't want our friendship to be the way it was. I think that everyone constantly evolves, or at least I do, and things that were acceptable once are not necessarily acceptable now, or only become acceptable once I am comfortable with a situation. Maybe we can build to that kind of a relationship again, but right now, I just don't want to hear it. I'll have to just ignore him, or say hello once in a while when I see him in the hall. Maybe we can start by playing chess again, and keep conversations to the barest minimum. I might bring that up. That way we're starting slowly from a place that we're both familiar with, and we actually don't have to talk much.

Love,

Toe

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

When routine bites hard

E-word,

Good to hear from you! Yeah, I've had a lot on my mind lately. I think I need to start pouring some of my brains into writing something other than in our Captain's log. I'm kind of afraid to stop writing, I don't want this flow to stop, and I'm a little bit afraid that it will anyway.

At the same time, I think I'd like to know when I'm writing something that has a point, and when I'm not, though I'm not certain now why that has any importance- why does that matter? I'm asking that question seriously. Maybe as long as their is an idea that can be expounded or reduced or whatever it's okay to keep writing. I could use this moment right here (this sentence, right here) to tighten my language and keep extraneous words (like like, maybe, whatever, etc.) to a minimum (or within parentheses). But, but, what's wrong with like too many words and stuff and like even what if they like don't even like fit or whatever and so on? Could we make a curry here of words that kind of go together and other words that actually don't quite fit in but still kind of blend and work?

I took my stupid dog for a walk today. I found this great field near my house, and I realize that it is actually a kind of gathering place for dogs, like dog owners seem to keep their eyes open for fields that don't attract organized activities for kids and see them as perfect places to run their dogs around, even if they are not fenced. There was a woman there (with her crazy colored mutt, really a great dog), and she was totally hot and like, eight months pregnant. I mean, she had a freaking planet stuffed into her belly, but she also looked fantastic. Her dog's name was Justice, and I'm wondering now if she was possibly a Type A lawyer who was a total hippy liberal. Anyway, she was like crazy hot. I've often wondered what this says about me that I find pregnant women generally pretty hot. Weird.

I have no course. There are cones and lines but fuck 'em, they aren't really there if I ain't crashing.

Love,

Toe

I turn my back for one minute

Toe,
You have been one prolific dude, haven't you? I feel like I just checked this blog a few days ago and there was nothing, and I come back and you have poured out what appears to be half the contents of your brain. Sorry, I meant that to be funny, but it sounds vaguely insulting. I think I just feel bad because I have not been writing.

You are so not ridiculous. I would tell you if you were. I liked your ruminations on travel, being a pet owner, and on Jen-nay.

I just tried to write something but I can't. I feel your pain, generally, I have to say. I think we are a lot alike in some ways, especially how we generally feel about ourselves.

I have to try reading "Something Happened" again. Maybe the holidays would be a good time. I can't tell you how glad I am you liked it. I am also glad it didn't depress you too much.

Anyway, I am speaking so generally, and you've just poured your heart out. I'll write more again soon, when I can. It's been a busy couple of weeks. We have had an out-of-town guest with us for the past few weeks, and life is pretty hectic with entertaining and showing off our prairie. I'll write when all that is through, or the next chance I have when I feel I can write something less superficial.
Love,
E-word

Monday, October 20, 2008

Dear E-word,

Am I ridiculous? If I am, you can say it, I can take it.

Love,

Toe

I'll fly away

E-word,

It's definitely a combination of El still being in Seoul, boredom, and loneliness that makes me such a prolific poster of late. So, it's a Monday night and I'm hanging out at home, drinking some beer, surfing and watching a tivo'd Simpsons episode, and I check my email and see that Jen-nay has sent me an email.(!) I have a linkedin web page, which I thought was a good idea because it points to my name, and I'm hoping any curious diggers will be satisfied with that and dig no further. Anyway, Jen-nay sent me an email and said hey, it's been a while and add me as a connection, darnit! not in those words but in the kind of forceful way she can have when you're not screwing her, I mean if you're screwing her she's as gentle as can be, but if you're not she's really a no bull-shit kind of gal. As an aside I can't believe how many times I tried to feel her up after we broke up, but she had some really big tits and I was drawn to them, what can I say.

So, anyway, I added her as a connection or whatever and now I'm wondering whether or not I should get in touch with her, because mature or not I don't really want to get in touch with her, I'm rather more comfortable with just randomly googling her when I'm bored and my mind wanders and keep our relationship at that, but now I guess we're 'linked' or whatever, and I'll just have to explain to El if she asks who Jen-nay is that she's just a person I knew at my old job.

You know, I'm such a weird guy. Like, really. I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin, like despite appearances I'm really not comfortable with myself, when I think of myself and my interactions with people, it's like I'm this nervous dude who can't look people in the eye, and says strange things and maybe my nervousness rubs off on other people making them uncomfortable as well. Like, I have moments, I can be charming and interesting and maybe too interested sometimes, but overall I'm just a weird, constipated dude. The reason why I'm saying all this is because I don't want to be honest about the past, especially about girls I've dated, I'd rather just file them away in the back of my life and open them up when my wanders, but the problem with girls I've dated or whatever (not like there are even that many, but I guess it's enough and the dag-gone world has gotten so small because of the stupid internet) is that they are sentient beings that maybe think of me as well and have a notion to get in touch with me, and since I have that stupid linkedin webpage it makes it easy for them to do so. I still think it's better than having someone search through links to find out information about me, by the way, but still, it's all stupid.

So, to get to my point AGAIN, I actually started an email, but I had no idea what to write, because it would all just be pleasantries without even a whiff of sincerity, because even though Jen-nay was a cool girlfriend (with great tits), I really don't have anything to say to her. I'm interested in her in the way a kid is interested in like finding Madagascar on the globe. 'Where is Madagascar, where is Madagascar,' and the globe is spinning around, 'Ah, here it is. I guess it's part of Africa!' I mean that's all a kid needs to know, and really that's about all I need or care to know about my exes.

So I'm not going to send her an email because I ain't got nothin' to say, and plus I added her as a 'connection' or whatever, I've done my part!

Love,

Toe

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Something Happened

E-word,

Jer asked me why I'm finding 'Something Happened' so amazing, and despite the fact that I'm not finished reading it (I'm cruising, though, I'm like on page 300 and I started just last Sunday or so), I'm going to give a review about what I like.

I'm so bad at this. I have to start with that caveat. While I have the ability to read critically (I think), I really just read for pleasure, so bear with me. Bob Slocum (the protagonist, and I'm guessing Joseph Heller, too- and this is the part that kills me- have focused the Hubble Space Telescope onto the human heart. Bear with my metaphor here. As I read this novel, I want very badly to know what was going on in Joseph Heller's brain while he wrote this. It is becoming exceedingly important to me. I want to know how he survived, how he did not end up drinking his life away, or end up killing himself otherwise. He is peering into the heart like David Foster Wallace did [read Good Old Neon, please].) is our only only friend, and he talks to us in his head. He has no one else, no one that he trusts. He is supremely lonely, heart-breakingly lonely. He is damaged goods, and no amount of status or wealth can change that. Without giving the story away, he lashes out at his family (excepting his beloved son), he preemptorily defends himself from their scorn but unleashing scorn upon them, and hates himself for doing it. He subscribes to the fact that it is a dog eat dog world, and he knows it, and though he knows that he himself is incredibly weak (and maybe because he knows this), he pounces and tries to destroy when he finds weakness in other people. He acts like he lives only to satisfy his id and ego, yet confesses to us later that he doesn't know why, and that it doesn't give him pleasure.

I relate to Bob Slocum. I do things in life that are just compulsions at this point, that don't bring any pleasure, and only the most short-lived release. Bob Slocum is a horrible father and husband, and I'm afraid that I too will be like him. Bob is so petty and childish, and so fucking hurt, I mean, he is all of us. Bob is also extremely funny and loves his son, and has a strong moral compass that he ignores and that contradiction seems to be destroying him.

I agree with something E-word has said about this book- you have to be in the right state of mind to read it, because it is totally heart rending, but it's also just incredibly funny. I have to share one scene in particular, I don't think I'm giving anything away, really. Bob is talking about cheating on his wife with much younger girls, and he tells us they don't really even turn him on, and for him to come he actually fantasizes about his wife while fucking them. He then says 'That's the kind of faithful husband I am'. His wife should he honored!

I think that's what actually makes this book so readable despite its unrelenting darkness; it's funny as hell, and even that is funny because Bob Slocum knows he's trying to be funny and his funnyness is even a self-defense mechanism. This novel is fucking layered, man.

Well, there's my review.

Love,

Toe

Friday, October 17, 2008

A top ten list

E-word,

1. I used to do lists all the time. Sometimes when I'm not that voluble (that word again!), it's easier to just put down a list, as it somehow feels maybe less lazy than not putting up a list. I don't necessarily believe that it is less lazy, by the way.

2. Hot middle-aged women. I know, it's reference between the two of us, that. After having spent a lot of time in Asia, it's sure great to be back in a land of fleshy women. Slender Asian women are great to look at, sure, but I sure was missing tits and ass, which were in meager supply for sure. Variety is the spice of life.

3. Minimizing wheat in my diet. This is a new thing. I'm not trying to eliminate carbohydrates or anything lame like that, but after having been in Asia where my main source of carbohydrates came in the form of rice, I have to say that generally I felt better. One of the first things I ate when I returned to the states was a bagel, and it didn't feel right in my stomach, and I felt pretty awful as well. I'm not saying I'm going to entirely eliminate wheat from my diet (I love pizza and a good New York bagel), but it'll definitely have to be a special occasion for me to want to chow down on a load of wheat carbs.

4. Not El still being in Korea. I'm very bummed that my wife is away. It's not even to say that we get along like some magical loving couple who only love love love, because we have bitter fights that make me want to die, but I have to say that I'm missing her very much, and generally my life is boring and disordered without her around. I think that I should be over my jet lag by now (It's been a week!), but I don't really have much motivation to get over it, like no one is going to stop me from having a nap from 6 pm to 9 pm, thus keeping me up past 3 am everyday.

5. Not jet lag. See above.

6. This awesome cover of 'Naked as We Came' by Iron and Wine. You might want to avoid actually watching her play this, as her earnestness is just beyond corny, plus the fact that she looks 16 makes her seem a little disingenuous, like how could someone this young know what it's like to be this in love with someone else?

7. 'Something Happened'. This book is really unbelievable. I'm riveted to the story, and can relate to it more than I can believe. Sociopathy as a way of life. We all have a touch of this, don't we?

8. Boy, I'm running out of steam here. There's just very little going on now. I guess #8 is my dog. Owning a dog is weird, like animal companionship is a weird thing, generally. I know that domesticated pets have been with us forever, but it's odd to have an animal in the house that is essentially there just for me and my wife. What else is a dog going to do all day? It's basically waiting around at home for us to come home and feed and play with it and clean up its pee and poo.

9. Going home in just a few minutes. That's nice, except that El isn't there, that sucks.

10. Sucking wind here, what should be #10? I know, 10 is for everything everything everything everything!

Love,

Toe

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Body and beats

E-word,

Voluble lately. Can't shut me up! While in Asia, I came to the conclusion that a lot of travel is really gratuitous, more about saying that you've been somewhere than actually having wanted to be somewhere (I actually have to say that I had come to this conclusion a while ago, but now that I've experienced it, I can be more definitive). El has a friend who is living in Hong Kong, so we made a jaunt there, since we had a free place to sleep and didn't have to pay airfare (El had frequent flyer miles on Asiana). While there are definitely things to like about Hong Kong (the Hong Kong Island skyline is just delicious, especially seen from Kowloon. I also very much enjoyed the mid-level pedestrian escalator), there's really not that much to see for a tourist. There is abundant shopping, sure, but only if you're into junk or luxury goods (and if you're into luxury goods and are from the east coast, New York is plenty close enough). The food was good (our very kind hosts advised us and took us to fine restaurants, and we had memorable moments), but El and I don't love Chinese food like we love Japanese food, though eating dinner at the Temple Street Market was pretty cool.

After two days there, we were basically tapped. I can see living in Hong Kong, but visiting is really not so great. On our third day is when I realized that this trip was really just passport stamp collecting. We decided to go to Macau, and since Macau is another country, we had to emigrate, which meant an additional exit stamp from HK, and then an entry stamp for Macau. Upon leaving Macau, we got an exit stamp from Macau, and ANOTHER entry stamp for HK, which of course necessitated a final exit stamp when we left HK, and of course an additional entry to stamp to Korea.

This is not to say we didn't like Macau. I know that Macau is a gambling destination, but I liked the colonial architecture of the older areas. That actually got me to thinking about whether or not I have some self-hatred, because I find myself attracted to European colonial architecture wherever I see it, and was pleased to be away from the Chineseness of Hong Kong. Not that I'm Chinese, but I'm Asian, etc, etc. Anyway, to get to the point (because I'm realizing my mind is drifting like exhaust plumes), if you've seen one colonial town, I think you're really seen them all, and there is ultimately no point in going to Macau or Hong Kong unless you love Chanel and gambling or have a job there, or want to impress someone that you've been to stupid Hong Kong.

Love,

Toe

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

We're breaking down, no mercy shown

E-word,

Lately I've been running into people from my past, be it ten years ago or more recently, and in some cases it looks as if these people want to resuscitate old friendships. I find myself surprisingly cold to these proposals- I find this maybe a little contradictory, because it's not like I have many friends. I often wish I had more friends, especially now that El is going to be in Seoul for a while longer. I know that I'm choosing isolation (I don't want you to think I'm a shut-in; I still go to work, and I socialize a fair amount while I am there), but for me there are few people who I choose, and who choose me.

Yesterday Vince (speaking of the devil) dropped by my office- it turns out that he's literally my cubicle mate now, like it was when he we first started working together eight-odd years ago. He came by my office, and we chatted like it was old times almost, and I actually found myself disinterested in hanging out with him. I can be polite, but I've moved on. I know that small slights can turn into puncture wounds over time, and I'm not sure that we can fully reconcile. This is a big weakness of mine, I know, and I know that as people get older, making friendships becomes just incredibly hard. I hope that maybe by writing this out, I can at least start in myself to forgive, forget, and reconcile a good friendship, like I was able to do with another very old friend.

Love,

Toe

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Some never see the flash at all

E-word,

I've decided that I'm going to spend my spare time apart from El (she's not coming back from Seoul until October 30th) reading and writing. When I get sick of reading, I'll start writing, and when I get sick of writing, I'll read, and if I get sick of both I'll take my stupid dog out for a walk, and start reading again. And I guess I'll try to do work and get paid, too. The only problem with a life like this is how isolating it is, but, well, it'll be okay.

I'm starting to get over my jet lag. I haven't taken a nap all day, and while this hasn't been a productive day, at least I should be able to get to sleep at a normal hour, and hopefully sleep through the night.

Love,

Toe

Insomnia

E-word,

Actually it's not insomnia, it's a brutal case of jetlag. I don't properly sleep right now; I basically take a series of long naps, and I'm pretty messed up. I'm taking my dad's approach to insomnia, which is to sleep when you're tired, but I have to admit that I think that forcing the issue works better.

I'm reading 'Something Happened', and am enjoying it quite a lot. I can relate to Slocum's base compulsions and his ability to kind of analyze and be disgusted by his base instincts, but not feeling strongly enough to actually stop them. I understand that feeling quite well, and despite my best intentions I think at heart I find life to be kind of meaningless and that really my only goal is to stave off loneliness. Yikes, did I just say that? Thank God I'm not into whores, that's gotta hollow you the hell out. I'm trying to find meaning in Christianity, but that's a journey, I think. Anyway, I find the novel much more funny than sad so far, but I can see it tipping over eventually.

I definitely want to read more of his work, too. If this novel is this good, I imagine 'Catch 22' is even better.

Monday, October 13, 2008

And now I realize I'm living like a trucker does, although I haven't got the belly

E-word,

I have a joke/anecdote a friend of mine in Seoul told me-

You know I am a Buddhist, and I bowed three hundred times every morning for a year when I was in New York. It was a pain in the butt! I told this to a friend of mine, and he said that I did not have to continue my Buddhist rituals once I married.

Because, after you get married, every thing becomes like a Buddhist ritual.

Love,

Toe

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Different for girls

E-word,

I'm back home. It's Sunday morning, and I'm sitting on my sofa with my dog sleeping next to me. It was a trip. I don't know if it was good or bad, like I feel like I should say I had a good trip, but I don't know if I digest travel that way. Like, I feel pressure to have good anecdotes from my trips, but they don't come out in neat little packages. You remember Vince? That's a guy who could spin a great anecdote from his travels, nice little stories that are memorable and make people laugh. I used to think that I should have that same ability, but I don't, not in the way he does.

We went to a lot of places on this trip, and we logged a lot of miles on planes, boats, and trains. My favorite moments, though, were spending time with my wife and parents. Almost every morning we were in Seoul, my father and I would hike up Mt Woomyun, which is a small mountain in the center of Seoul. Oh, and bear in mind that when I say mountain, these mountains are more of the Appalachian size as opposed to the Rockies size- they're not big at all. We'd get up early in the morning, and before we'd set out, he'd blend some fruits to make juice for all of us. The hike was fairly vigorous and difficult for me, but my old dad is a billy goat. He hikes up Woomyunsaan (as a Korean would say it) almost every day, and as we walked he would point out all the different folks who also make daily trips up the mountain. There is a woman that my dad sees frequently who actually hikes in her bare feet. If I were her, I'd be concerned about getting tetanus or a worm or something, but there is a belief that walking up in bare feet in better for your health. We'd also see very old men (in their 70s and 80s) hoofing up daily as well. I have to say that this seems like the ultimate type of exercise- it builds useful and great strength in your legs, improves balance, is very low impact (unless you're pounding down the mountain), and keeps your mind active- you have to focus or you'll take a bad step.

Woomyunsaan also has bunkers preserved from the Korean war. I've gone up with my dad many times before, but it wasn't until he pointed them out did I notice them.

After our hikes we'd come home to a house redolent with the smell of cooking. My mom makes breakfast for my dad daily, but because El and I were visiting, the food she prepared was much more demanding ('sohn mahnee gahsuh', as Koreans would say, literally meaning hands have gone in very much). We'd have broiled gulbi, bin dae duk, doeng jang jigae, nakjee bokeum. Not all for the same meal, obviously. We'd eat gyeh-rahn jjim, yuk-gae jang, pa-jun, and kimchee, of course. My mom explained that Koreans traditionally had huge breakfasts, and so we ate very well in the morning, and because we were visiting we'd eat very well at night as well, but I'll talk about dinner later.

Having eaten so well, in a way I'm grateful that I don't eat like that all the time. It seems like meals like this should be eaten sparingly, not because the food is bad for you, but because it is so good and so reminiscent of childhood and all the wonderful things about family and life, that it would seem to be a horrible thing to take for granted. My mom even said as much, that she put in a super amount of effort and really spent a great deal of money (buying the best staple ingredients), that to eat like this regularly would probably kill her.

I also loved the attention I got from my parents. Usually when we have family gatherings (and I assume this is the same for you), there are so many people (8 adults and 3 little kids so far) that no one can get a word in edge-wise. Most of us are talkers too (with the exception of my older brother), so we're constantly cutting one another off, and almost not listening because we're so eager to say something, so almost nothing gets communicated and honestly these family gatherings suffer and seem almost pointless, excepting the fact that we get to see our nephews and niece, and my parents get to see their grandchildren. But, when it's just the four of us, we all have ample space to talk, aggrandize and orate, make compliments and tell jokes. It was great. It's even better with El around, because she has a way of making my dad open up.

So, while I will talk about other travels, the best part by far of this trip was hanging out with my parents with El, and doing it just enough that they didn't get irritated with our presence, and to keep us longing for more time together.

Love,

Toe

Thursday, October 09, 2008

We're four boys in our corduroys, we're not terrific but we're competent.

E-word,

I'm ready to go home. I miss my sofa, my bed, and my stupid dog. We vacationed like Koreans, which means we didn't really rest or relax much on our trip. We visited a number of places, and we probably won't come back to Hong Kong or Macau, unless it is for a business trip. I'm sure we'll come back to Japan, though. Anyway, we're still in Seoul- literally a couple of days from now I'll be on my last exhausting flight for a while (hopefully). I'll be able to return to my wonderfully provincial life, and get my will back up for more travel.

I'm kind of sick of travelling in Asia. I think it's all the mainland Chinese that turn me off. These dudes are really peasants, like the Beverly Hillbillies with all the money in the world but the etiquette of a, I dunno, a Chinese peasant.

More and more later. I think I next want to go to Europe. El says Greece, but I'd like maybe the Netherlands or something.

Love,

Toe

Friday, October 03, 2008

Waiting for the Weekend

Toe,
Welcome back to the log. I am going out of town today, and have stuff to do before we leave, so I can't write much. You are so right, though, about sex. Also about 80s porn. I only saw two pornos during the 80s, and they were both absolutely ridiculous.

Anyway, have fun in Korea. I look forward to hearing about Japan.
E-word

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Wouldn't it be nice if we were married?

E-word,

Just got back from Japan. We're in Seoul, and I'm taking a moment to check email, and of course our newly active log. I thought about the power of sex quite a bit in my quiet moments, and I don't know if it is possible to raise a child that is not obsessed with sex. I mean, my God, riding the school bus while I was thirteen gave me a boner several times on way to school and home. Having a girl rub up on me made me just about bust a nut. There is not a damn thing you can do about those things, and if you try, you end up fucking up a kid pretty bad. I'm really just talking about boys, I don't really know what girls go through at that age. I suddenly remember the learning stages of masturbation, and of how jerking off didn't actually come naturally- that shit took practice to get right, but I sure didn't mind practicing, except for maybe the guilt part of it. 80s porn was some good shit in its ridiculousness, though I suppose porn is no less ridiculous now.

Anyway, thanks for all the posts- I have a bit of catching up to do here. I'll let you know how my trip in Asia was once I get back. I will say that I really enjoyed Osaka. This city has a charm that Tokyo (in its otherworldly sophistication) can never have.

Jer, I'm glad you're commenting so often. It feels like the late 90s, almost.

Love,

Toe