We're breaking down, no mercy shown

E-word,

Lately I've been running into people from my past, be it ten years ago or more recently, and in some cases it looks as if these people want to resuscitate old friendships. I find myself surprisingly cold to these proposals- I find this maybe a little contradictory, because it's not like I have many friends. I often wish I had more friends, especially now that El is going to be in Seoul for a while longer. I know that I'm choosing isolation (I don't want you to think I'm a shut-in; I still go to work, and I socialize a fair amount while I am there), but for me there are few people who I choose, and who choose me.

Yesterday Vince (speaking of the devil) dropped by my office- it turns out that he's literally my cubicle mate now, like it was when he we first started working together eight-odd years ago. He came by my office, and we chatted like it was old times almost, and I actually found myself disinterested in hanging out with him. I can be polite, but I've moved on. I know that small slights can turn into puncture wounds over time, and I'm not sure that we can fully reconcile. This is a big weakness of mine, I know, and I know that as people get older, making friendships becomes just incredibly hard. I hope that maybe by writing this out, I can at least start in myself to forgive, forget, and reconcile a good friendship, like I was able to do with another very old friend.

Love,

Toe