Night swimming

Now I feel like I wrote a little sermon about sex instead of a blog post. I'm in a sermonizing mood lately. I feel like I am heading into epiphanies all the time, that there is a big one around the corner, waiting just for me. I need to slow the hell down and remember I really don't know much of anything, and that most of the time, I am just swimming in my brain, clutching onto thoughts that seem buoyant.

Some thoughts I am having right now:

I saw a dead cat on the side of the road a few streets over. It looked like a a cat I assumed was a stray, a cat I have seen around here the past few years. It made me really sad, and I slowed down because I felt like I should take it off the road or talk to a neighbor who might know if the cat belonged to someone. Instead, I went home, unpacked the groceries, chopped an onion, opened a beer, and drank it while I saute'd some dinner. What happened to that sadness, and that impulse to do something?

I had a sense months ago that the economy was going way south. A lot of people did, so I can't claim to be prophetic, but at the same time, I feel a certain sense of satisfaction that I got on the bus with the people who were right. What does that mean, though, when I didn't change my life, aside from perhaps trying to save more money than usual. More importantly, what does it mean that I didn't think about anyone's finances but my own?

I want to write a novel one day. I've wanted to write a novel for many years, which means I've wanted to write a novel for many days. On every one of those days I did not write, what was I doing that I have to show for now?

All right, enough swimming around in doubt for now. I just had to write some thoughts and associated questions to prove to myself and to you that I do not know that much. Why I needed to do that, I don't know either.
E-Word