This is the last day of our acquaintace

E-word,

It's been an uphill battle lately trying to get my mind back. School is my excuse for not doing anything nowadays.

Having a long weekend has been nice, though. El and I had a good Thanksgiving, but she headed off to Seoul yesterday, and should be in Qingdao right now. She's on a long business trip, and her timing is 'good' so far as school is involved. I'll have all week and next weekend to devote to study.

Fucking school.

As can be expected, I'm procrastinating diligently, and have had lots of random thoughts. Google is a great procrastinating tool. I've been googling people I haven't thought of for ages; ex-girlfriends and old old classmates. At first I was kind of amazed at what some of these folks have been up to, but at the same time it's like, eh, why is this really fascinating? A girl I dated is evidently gay now, or bisexual. The president of my senior class is a film editor in New York, and actually another one is a corporate lawyer there as well.

I don't necessarily feel mediocre, but.. I don't know. I definitely have to try hard to put things into perspective. I never thought I would end up where I am, a steadfastly middle-class guy with a decent engineering job, but if I really think about it, it's what I was destined to be. Despite my terrible shortcomings academically (I'm still haunted by that shit. High school, college, I fucked up good), this is where my parents directed me.

It's funny to say that, even. It makes me realize that if I have children, I won't be the same way, I can't. I know that El will have her opinions, but all I can say is that I will not pressure my kids unnecessarily. I mean, I can't complain too much; as I've said, the job I have is really pretty interesting as engineering jobs go. At the same time, I will never, ever, EVER be more than a 9 to 5er in mentality. I will never love this job.

See, I'm rambling.I should get back to the study. So much more on my mind, but it's always muddled, always always.

Toe