Don't call me pretty baby

I am so tired. El woke me up at 2:30 this morning, after I fell asleep putting Junior to bed around 9:00. She was so angry at me for not taking care of things before I passed out. We basically fought until the sun rose, El alternately fuming and crying, stabbing me in the chest first with her finger, then with a water bottle. I tried my best to just take it, but I started getting annoyed and pulled the water bottle out of her hands. I don't know who reads this other than E-word and Jer, but I'm going to write down the root cause of the strife in my marriage. About a year into my marriage I met a woman I 'befriended' on the internet. Let's call her Jewel. We corresponded quite a lot online, and even passed letters and care packages back and forth, in a totally platonic fashion. For the most part of the time we knew one another we were both in relationships, or in my case married. Out of the blue she sent me an email saying hey, I'm going to be in the DC area, do you want to meet up? I really wanted to meet her. Again, I can't emphasize enough that this was completely platonic. I really wanted to meet her as a friend. We exchanged so many emails and had gotten to know one another as well as you could over the internet. So, I agreed to meet her, and I told El (who was living in New York at the time) that I was going to be studying at school that night. This was incredibly immature of me- I wanted to meet Jewel, and I knew that El would not like it, so I lied to her. Jewel and I had a good time chatting and walking around DC. And for the third time, nothing happened. I didn't meet with Jewel with the thought anything would happen, it was really just meeting an old friend. Fast forward to 10 days before Junior is born- El goes through my email to look for our old correspondences, and she finds Jewel's old emails about our meeting. This is ten days before Junior is born. El feels completely betrayed by me, at a time when she is essentially nine months pregnant. Since this time our marriage has continued to fall to pieces. El can't forgive me, and says I cheated on her. I hid this from her with no intention of ever telling her what happened. It has been almost two years, and our marriage is just a piece of shit. El wants me to make her regain her trust, and I don't seem to be able to do it. I think I wrote enough now, I will go into more detail later. E-word, please keep this quiet. I am not ready for your wife to know about this yet. Love, Toe