Let's get out of this country

E-word,

I thought for sure after the birth of the little shit that T-boat would be mothballed, but I guess I still have thoughts that I want to share once in a while. Not that my thoughts are new or whatever, but fuck, why do I have to fucking caveat everything I write down just because someone else may have had the same fucking thought before I had, must I constantly and self-consciously digress what the fuck is wrong with me?

Back to the fucking point. This morning was pretty fucking awful. El slept with the little shit because I'm going to work, and she wanted to give me a break, and even though every fucking time we do this it ends up badly because El can't co-sleep with the little shit (I can sleep pretty soundly with the little shit. To explain, when we co-sleep, one of us sleeps in the little shit's room on the floor, Korean style) and ends up cranky as fuck in the morning, we still do it, and of course the morning gets off on the wrong fucking foot, and I called her crazy and she called me a son of a bitch (interesting how this phrase translates quite literally in a bunch of different languages, btw). It was completely irrational. Anyway, I still have to go to work, and I'm listening to Camera Obscura and the Drums, and it makes me feel good (to digress, I've realized that one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses in my marriage is my incredibly fucked-up memory, fucked-up meaning bad in this case. I'd argue that El's greatest strength and weakness is her fucked-up memory, meaning incredibly good in her case), but then I start thinking about the amazing fucking fact that I'm nearly 40 (no offense to oldsters who are already over 40) and how my age and body feel 40, my spirit still feels much younger. Like I feel like if I were single I could get out on the scene and meet young girls and not totally creep them the fuck out, though admitting that there is little chance I'd be able to keep up with them even if I could get them, not that I would because I'm a married fucking man with a little shit in tow and while my marriage can be an utter fucking disaster it's ultimately all I have to show for in my life which I also realize is not a very Christian thing to think because I should depend on Jesus Christ to save my soul and here goes another disjointed digression that halfway through I've completely forgotten my point and will have to read back to figure out where the hell I was going. Right, I'm nearing 40, and my spirit, if not my body, mind, and age is still young.

I've forgotten my point. I probably need to write more often here.

Love,

Toe