Pain

Man, that's a sad story. I am not sure what to say. The contrast between your later benevolent feelings toward Anna with you screaming "whore" at her indicates how your anger and abuse were just an expression of your love. Your post was so fucking heartbreaking, Toe. Thanks for writing about that stuff. It's painful, painful. I recall some breakups when I felt like there weren't enough tears in my head to express the pain, and a few where it felt as if the relationship hadn't really existed, and some that felt in between.

I remember after one breakup, one of the in-between ones, when I just felt blue. I was living next door to Tim, and his bedroom was in the rowhouse next door directly across from mine. He knew I was sad because we were just talking on the front stoop about my breakup. We stopped talking because a rainstorm came in fast, one of those early summer storms with big fat raindrops. We went into our respective houses, up to our rooms, and I lay down on the bed. Tim put his speakers in the window facing mine and blasted "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie, one of the most chipper songs there is. I listened to it and to the rain and I felt better.

The woman who broke up with me I still remember well. It wasn't a deep relationship we had--it was pretty brief--but I was grateful to her for what we had together. But for some reason, Tim's kind act still strikes me as more touching (no pun intended) than anything I experienced with this woman.

Anyway, here's to good friends.