This is the last day of our acquaintace

E-word,

It's been an uphill battle lately trying to get my mind back. School is my excuse for not doing anything nowadays.

Having a long weekend has been nice, though. El and I had a good Thanksgiving, but she headed off to Seoul yesterday, and should be in Qingdao right now. She's on a long business trip, and her timing is 'good' so far as school is involved. I'll have all week and next weekend to devote to study.

Fucking school.

As can be expected, I'm procrastinating diligently, and have had lots of random thoughts. Google is a great procrastinating tool. I've been googling people I haven't thought of for ages; ex-girlfriends and old old classmates. At first I was kind of amazed at what some of these folks have been up to, but at the same time it's like, eh, why is this really fascinating? A girl I dated is evidently gay now, or bisexual. The president of my senior class is a film editor in New York, and actually another one is a corporate lawyer there as well.

I don't necessarily feel mediocre, but.. I don't know. I definitely have to try hard to put things into perspective. I never thought I would end up where I am, a steadfastly middle-class guy with a decent engineering job, but if I really think about it, it's what I was destined to be. Despite my terrible shortcomings academically (I'm still haunted by that shit. High school, college, I fucked up good), this is where my parents directed me.

It's funny to say that, even. It makes me realize that if I have children, I won't be the same way, I can't. I know that El will have her opinions, but all I can say is that I will not pressure my kids unnecessarily. I mean, I can't complain too much; as I've said, the job I have is really pretty interesting as engineering jobs go. At the same time, I will never, ever, EVER be more than a 9 to 5er in mentality. I will never love this job.

See, I'm rambling.I should get back to the study. So much more on my mind, but it's always muddled, always always.

Toe

My heart's a boat in tow

Hey Toe,
I'm out of town on business down at the place south of Chicago. It's a rainy cool night here at the hotel. I am a little bit hungry and tired, but otherwise doing well. I missed chatting on the i-m thing. I had a long busy day, unfortunately, between this morning in D_b and this afternoon/evening in S. Chicago. Maybe you're on line now? I should go check....

Anyway, I was thinking about some childhood memory or another, and I wanted to related it to you on this site, but now I can't remember what it was. I carry around a little notebook to write shit down in, but I don't do it enough. I always think I'll remember things, but I usually forget about them, and I end up saying to myself "why I am I carrying around this notepad and pencil stub anyway?"

This whole house buying thing is going all right, except now the sellers seem to be balking at something we requested. They aren't out and out balking--just agreeing to something in a half-baked way. I hate to be vague, but I don't feel like going into details.

Anyway, I'll write again when I actually have something to say. Just wanted to say hello from a cold rainy and sleepy prairie town.
E-word

A large, good thing

Hey Toe,
Nice talking with you this morning. Yeah, the whole house thing happened really quickly. We'd been talking about it a while, but only got serious recently. The thing is, we've been talking about it so much, we pretty much knew what we wanted once we saw it. Thus the speed.

Oddly, I don't feel too nervous or freaked by any of the proceedings. C* is freaking a little, and keeps commenting on how calm I am. For some reason, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. We almost bought that house in B'ton 5 years ago when we first moved there, and I think that experience inoculated me.

Different topic: I have been reading short stories lately, prepping to write some of my own. Have you ever read a story called "A Small, Good Thing" by Raymond Carver. It's a great story. Heart-wrenching, but amazing. I am reading Carver for the first time, and hadn't been overly impressed until I read this story. Maybe it's the emotion of the story that makes it so powerful because, although I think his style is good in all his stories I've read, none have really taken a hold of me the way this one did.

Later,
E-word