The gypsy hacks and the insomniacs

Hey Toe, I can't believe it's been more than a week since we had dinner. It was cool to meet your friends. They all seem like a good bunch of folks. I envy you good workmates, as well as the fact that the workmates are all guys. When I worked full time for the client who shall remain nameless, 95% of my coworkers were women. It was nice, actually, but I never directly mentioned this fact to my wife, and when she came to my office going away party, I think she was a little shocked to find I was the only guy there. I'm sure it cleared up why I hardly ever mentioned any male office mates.

I guess what I'm saying is it's cool you can go out with coworkers while your wife is out of town and have no repercussive jealousy.

I had a good rest of the time in the city. Work is good. They have nice things to say about me, which is always gratifying, but I never take it seriously. Somewhere in the back of my mind I always assume I am about to be fired. Is that sick?

Made it home. Hawaiian C left for her island yesterday morning. We miss her already. But it's good to be back with my wife after almost a week away. Coming home is always so sweet.

Anyway, again, it was good to see you. I will let you know about my next trip in.

You're the only ten I see

E-word,

Lately I think I've been thinking about the prospect of fatherhood/parenthood, and find my reaction to be a bit strange. Whenever I see a mother taking care of her baby or child out in public, be it a grocery store or the mall or driving the kids somewhere, instead of seeing the joys of motherhood I see subjugation. I feel disgust. It's the most amazing thing to me. People talk about how singular an experience motherhood is, but all I see is a woman losing her figure, birthing a monster, and losing a large portion of her life to a crying, shitting, snotting thing. At first I didn't understand where these feelings came from, but you know, we're all products of our environment. My mother gave birth four fucking times. I mean, I know that you have even more siblings than me, and all I can say is jesus fucking fuck. If I were a woman I'd probably want to carve the words 'Fuck You' across my belly with scissors than get pregnant and give birth. I mean, fuck that.

I've even thought of two women I've dated in the past who were both divorced and had either a child or two. Their children in no uncertain terms handcuffed them. I'm not saying that they didn't love their children and wouldn't sacrifice anything, but I can't help but imagine that their lives would have been even fuller if they never had to deal with the shits. Gigantic portions of their lives were totally relinquished, you know?

Perhaps this is a minority opinion. I even tried to think of the scenario of my wife giving birth and me staying home to take care of the baby, but if that happened I'd be the one being subjugated! It would be nothing less than torture.

Years ago my father, in a very drunk and open state (can't have one without the other) mentioned to me all the respect he had for my mom, and how she was cheated by the culture and times that she grew up in. He was saying that if my mom was a man, she could have done anything.

Well, in the end this is all just rhetoric. I won't really know any of this until we have children. Isn't it funny, after everything I just wrote I still express a desire to have kids?

Anyway, can't wait to hang out tonight. We'll get some good food, and have a couple of drinks, too.

Toe

Two if by land

Toe,
I'll be free tomorrow and Wed--looking forward to seeing you. I'll be at the same place. Do you want to meet for dinner? Just let me know when's good for you.

Your portrait of a long-distance marriage is poignant. I've said before, I imagine it's pretty darn difficult.

Things are good here. Busy as hell, but good. Glad you are done with the exams. Looking forward to seeing you, man.
E-word

Taking time to take the time

E-word,

I can't say it's worth all the trouble that El and I are going through right now. We live 200 hundred miles apart, and the weekends just aren't long enough. We end up spending so much of our time lately just touching one another to make up for a week of sleeping alone in our beds. It's not ideal.

I've been working my ass off lately, both at work and finishing up this horrendously long take-home exam, but after today I'll have a 2 week respite before my summer class starts. I guess the good thing about going to school is removes the need for extra-curricular activities or interests. Instead of having to say, oh, uh, well, I watched a bunch of shows I tivo-ed, and I sat on the sofa while doing it, I can say, oh, well I'm taking a class on such and such and divert attention away from the fact that apart from going to school all I really do is watch tivo-ed shows.

E-word, I can't wait to hang out this week. Let me know what days you're free. Thankfully today I have to turn in my exam, so I'm free the rest of the week.

Toe

Gripe Nuts

A postscript to my idyllic small-town description the other day: Went down to the bank this morning and the darn thing wasn't open, although its posted hours state that it should've been. Argh. Walked around the block with my coffee, came back and it still wasn't open. Bought a local paper and read the front page of each section (except sports, although I tried--what kind of American man am I?), and the bank still wasn't open, now 20 minutes into it's day. I walked home. I have things to do.

It sounds like you've had some things to do, too. Ten-twelve hour days take the juice right out of you, especially when there are a bunch of them in a row.

I'm looking forward to hanging out next week. I'll call you this weekend to make some plans.

Sound system

E-word,

You walked to the bank? That is so quaint I'm smiling to myself imagining it. I really love this post. I hope some day I can visit your town. It's so small, but so many noteworthy things came out of it, I'm always caught by surprise.

I missed updating this thing. Anyway, not much is up here. I'm working 10-12 hour days, and finally today I've just had enough, I can't take it anymore. I need a break. I'll bust my ass next week.

It'll be good to see you again. I don't have much left in the tank for much of an update, but I promise I'll write again tomorrow.

Take care,

Toe

My Town

I walked to our bank this morning to get some new check registers. I am not a fan of on-line bill-paying. —I like to write checks with a fancy pen because it makes me feel old-fashioned, even when I am paying for a high-speed cable connection. I ran out of lines in my current register, so off to the bank with me.

Our bank is very small, local, and only a few blocks away. They know me by name: After my first couple of visits, the tellers stopped asking for my ID. With one exception--a teller who is not so much mean as a little socially inept--the staff are all really friendly and personable. There is never a line.

I carried a travel mug with me to the bank this morning because afterwards I wanted to get some coffee from a place called the Flying Bean. I go there sometimes because the coffee is usually good and because I rarely see anyone buying coffee there, so I feel a little sorry for them. It'’s an odd establishment--it is a little shed, about 3 feet by 9 feet, sticking out on the sidewalk, attached to a larger row of buildings on the main street downtown. It is sort of a caffeine-dispensing architectural barnacle.

The bearded young man crammed into the Flying Bean today asked me if I wanted to rinse my mug out before he filled it. I said, "“No, it should be fine,"” because I had just pulled it from the cupboard. "“This coffee is from Yemen,"” he said. "“Well, first it went to the roasters in Chicago, then it came to me, but it'’s originally from Yemen."”

It'’s about 60 degrees out, and the sky looks a mildly threatening to the west, like rain is considering falling sometime today. It'’s a nice spring morning with a slightly wet feeling to it, a juicy morning in a small town.

False Lord

I like stories about people taking on false identities, especially when the false identity involves a fake British accent.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/05/AR2006050501671.html

Friday at last

Man, I was just reading your post from the other day. You may be sappy, but it's a good kind of sappy. I get that way a lot, sometimes more so than my wife. It's funny, but I'm more of the sentimental one in the relationship. I guess it would be stranger if there weren't so many other ways we switch the usual gender roles.

It's true what you say--sacrifices are not really sacrifices if it's done for someone you love. Yes, there are days when I think "WTF am I doing in the midwest," but there are days when C* says the same thing. We're in this together, and we were very close to going another direction with our lives last year--I made plans for us heading back to the northeast, living entirely on my modest wages, with C* trying to make a name for herself by making work in a heated shed out back. But we chose this path. In the end, the choice involves some sacrifice from each of us, but overall, I think we're pretty happy.

I was going to print a poem I've been trying to write about work, but I don't think it's done yet. I've been too busy working.

OH, I will be there the last week of May. Will you be around?

Have an awesome weekend. Best to El. Say hello to the east coast for me.

Trucking

http://www.gearchange.org/index.asp



This Web site is pretty funny. This guy has listed a ton of pop songs that feature what he refers to as "Truck Driver Gear Shifts." I looked at several selections before I realized he was talking about modulations in key, an often cheesey musical device used a lot in pop.

I'm up late editing a side project. It looks like an interesting book. Unfortunately, I have yet to read any of it--just getting into the reference section...

Friends they are jewels

E-word,

I'm writing at home for the first time in a while, listening to then song 'Friends they are jewels" by Iron and Wine. It's awesome to hear that you had a great weekend filled with friends and (some) booze. Times like that are important. I know that if I worked from home in a still relatively strange town I would have some difficulty. Work is so important in that respect, but I must admit that I am much more solitary in general nowadays. Well, in some respects. Weekends are full of El, and with going to school it leaves little time for friends.

I really like your thoughts on open skies, and it would be nice to believe that midwestern humility is a function of that. How is D*b during spring, speaking of which?

Thanks for saying that I'm a good husband. I don't think of it often, but it's nice to hear. Being married, I now understand what my married friends go through to insure that they have good marriages. I understand why you've followed C* across the midwestern landscape, and how ultimately sacrifices aren't sacrifices if you really love someone and care about their happiness. You're a good husband, too. I remember talking to C-Hawaii's husband. When I mentioned C*'s long stay on the mainland, he said, 'C* was so happy, and it was great to see her so happy.'

Man, I'm such a sap. Reminds me of that Danny and Annie thing again.

Anyway, yeah. It'll be great to hang out in Washington. We'll drink beers and eat something good.

Mind-Body Coalition

Hey Toe,
Drove C* to work this morning and we experienced one of those weird skies you only see out west or in the midwest. The sky above us was completely blue, but to the West was a line of gray cloud, it's edge looking white in the morning sun, stretched from horizon to horizon. C* described it as a blanket being drawn over us.

I tell you, sometimes it's scary being able to see so much sky. It makes you realize how small we are. Could this be the source of midwestern humility? And a contributor to that sense of entitlement you sometimes find in more enclosed landscapes. OK, I'm making big generalizations.

I'm feeling physically and mentally better than last week. I saw a lot of friends down in B'ton this weekend, and despite the fact that I was up late, drinking a little, and generally busy socializing, I felt rejuvenated by the end of the weekend. I was beginning to get worried about my health last week because it seemed like I didn't have enough energy for much of anything. Now I think that at least part of how I felt was psychological. I think I was depressed, and seeing friends and having fun this weekend cured me. Now to maintain my health I just need to make some friends locally.

You are a good husband. There are all types of relationships, including ones where geographic distance is not indicative of emotional distance. C-Hawaii and her husband love each other a lot, and he supports her need to be here. You're a good man to do the same. I'm not positive I could do it, but I think if it came to that, I could.

Glad you got the shirt. BTW, it shrinks like crazy. Don't put it in the drier, unless you want to frame it instead of wear it.

Hey, I'm coming to town soon. I'll email you. Looking forward to hanging out.

If you're such a victim, then go call the cops

E-word,

I got the Joos tee last week, and also the 'Just paht' stickie. Both are awesome, by the way, thanks a ton.

Sorry for not updating much lately. It's a mixture of being busy at work and being lazy otherwise.

A lot has been going on lately. El and I had a long talk yesterday about how we complement one another as a couple. I'm not super-ambitious, I like being lazy, and I think that it'd be great to be a nice middle-class dude with a small house, small yard, and a small, happy life. El on the other hand is really ambitious and wants to be the best and first at everything. She dreams big and works hard, and doesn't even think of life in terms of small. In a way we're very different, but she has what I want, and I have what she wants. I'm very supportive of her, and want to go out of my way for her success, to be open to her wishes and desires even at my own expense. She tells me she feels very selfish, but she doesn't realize how much she offers me. When she is around she takes care of me, cooks food and cleans the house, and is fairly permissive. I'm a slob, and she deals with it. That might sound like a small thing, but for us it's huge. I go along with her ambition without much complaint, and she goes along with my lazyness without much complaint as well. Sort of, actually El complains a lot but I know she doesn't mean it, she just likes complaining.

The main reason why we're having this discussion lately is because El might be going to Europe for a few months for training. You gotta keep that on the dl, btw, because nothing has been settled yet. I think that El is amazed at how supportive I'm being of her, but I kind of reminded me of Hawaiian C and her husband. I married El because I love her, and I have to do whatever is necessary to keep her happy and content. I cast my lot, you know?

Anyway, hope things are good in D*b, or however we're calling your town nowadays. If El does go to Europe, expect a visit while she's gone!

Toe