Down the street, all the meters have run out of time

Toe,
It has been a long time since I wrote anything here. I am sitting in my kitchen, getting quietly drunk, by myself, waiting for the rice to finish cooking. Work has been hellishly busy of late, and I have been very stressed out, so today I took sort of an easy day and worked a bit, relaxed a bit, and now, am drinking and cooking a bit.

I came to a realization the other day, one that I don't think I would have except for the fact that I have been working so hard, putting everything I have into my work. Most people do not do this--put everything they have into their work. It is something people with passion do, whether it is passion for their job or passion for working hard, passion for maintaining some level of quality no matter what the actual objective is. I realized that maybe I might have some passion in me.

I am enjoying my work a lot lately. Have you ever read those New York Times business-section interviews with CEOs and business owners and such? The ones that recount their careers, and then what they are currently doing, what they like about their work, etc.? One theme I have noticed is a strange dis-attachment from the content of what they are producing. What I mean is, they are business people, not car makers or accountants or air conditioning repair people. They may in fact be in charge of any one of these types of businesses, but ultimately, it does not matter, and their career path shows this. They say things like "First I worked in manufacturing, where I was a stock boy in a medical supply warehouse. It was there I learned the importance of logistics and fulfilment. Then I worked as a supervisor in a software service center, where I learned how to operate a multi-department facility. Then I got a job at General Motors as a manager, and now I am the CEO of Budweiser." And so forth. The product does not matter, it is the skills the learned along the way that they use in their very upper level jobs.

I've always thought this kind of disconnection from the object of your business was sort of weird and fascinating. Who are these people who don't care about what their company does?

I realized the other day, I am slowly becoming one of these people. I say slowly, because I am still very much involved in the content of what I do. However, in moving up the chain of command, I am becoming more and more distant from what I originally produced, and more and more involved with business decisions that have little or no relevance on that product. The job is becoming abstract. It is a weird feeling. It is also kind of nice. I leave those kind of details to others.

Anyway, on another note, I worry about what this does to my soul. This worry is mollified by the fact that I am making more money. That mollification in turn makes me worry again about my soul, and so on, down the anxiety ridden cycle. Fortunately, I am usually too busy to think about it much.

And when I am not, I have a drink.

That is not sounding like a good pattern.

Anyway, I need to go. I will talk to you soon, and hopefully see you again soon.
Love,
E-Word