Squeak and Whistle

Toe,
It was good seeing you, man. I enjoyed just walking around and talking, but it was also cool to get a look at the place you are considering. And when are you sending me your CD, so I can cry at all the sad songs?

I've been home for a few days, taking care of my wife, who is sick with a nasty cough that has caused her to lose her voice. She's on some delightful narcotic right now that let's her sleep and keeps her from coughing and further damaging her larynx. Egad, it's weird with her here and not able to talk, although I have to say it was stranger being out of town and trying to communicate with her by phone. Most of the time we were texting, but every so often we would talk--or I would talk, and she would make strange nonverbal sounds like whistles and squeaks. It was like talking to R2D2: kind of cute, but mostly indecipherable. At least now she can write me notes on a pad.

Anyway, I'm back in the land of corn, doing business. I better get back to it.

Thanks for showing me a good time in the city, man.
Love,
E-word

I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray

E-word,

Hello. It's been a weird couple of days for me lately. A friend and co-worker of mine had a stroke yesterday morning, and I heard from someone I hadn't talked to in maybe 10 years. I know that these things are unrelated, but the fact that two kind of extraordinary things happened in such quick succession makes for I guess more thinking about things or something?

My friend Pat (and I figure I can use his name as God knows how many Pats are out there after all, and Pat is a verb and noun and so forth) had a stroke yesterday, as I was saying. The last few years have not been kind to him at all. Just as it seems that he was recovering well from back surgery he had last year (that actually relegated him to using a cane and on a steady diet of pain killers), he has a stroke that has paralyzed his left arm and leg, and left him a speech impediment. I actually wanted to start crying, but Pat made jokes ('Let me tell you, having a stroke is a life-changing experience') and told me that humor was really the only think that made the situation endurable. I talked to his kids a little bit, and I'm not sure how they're handling all of this. They are so young to be in a situation where they might have to be caretakers.

I also heard from a friend that I kind of had a falling out with years ago. Let's say his name is Orin. It turns out I'm not that hard to find on the internet. He googled me, found out what company I worked for, and called my work phone. He told me he called because he was thinking about buying a sailboat, and was staring at one online for an hour, and remembered that back in the old days after a long bike ride he would stare at his bicycle for hours at a time, and that I appreciated him doing that. Weird reason to get in touch, but nonetheless, it was nice to hear from him. We talked for about an hour, kind of about what we were doing and what we've been up to. It was good, but it was also kind of funny. In many ways I realize that I haven't changed that much in ten years. His voice was exactly the same, and he still liked to tell me what to do, which now seems less like a character flaw than just a quirk in his personality. He still remembers me as being extremely sarcastic and cynical, though I think I've toned that down a lot over the years.

Well, let me continue this thought later.

Talk to you soon,

Toe

People I trust and love

E-word,

Nice post. It fits my mood perfectly, I am getting excited about the changing season as well, though I don't love snow so much that I want to see any more of it.

Lately I've been thinking that I'm not sure if my life is better than it has been. The excitement you talk about is something that I want badly, and though the warm weather here yesterday filled my heart, it seemed empty, because I really didn't have anything to really do, if that makes sense. So many sacrifices have been made the last few years, with work, school, and El being in New York, that I am starting to live this life that is not about life after work, but only about work. We have weekends, sure, but I remembered again that my life was not one lived on the weekends as much as lived after work, if that makes sense. Hobbies, you know? Shit I did on a regular basis. Reading, playing guitar, running- it's all fits and starts. Even lately I've been thinking that I want to spend even more time at work, or if not at work doing stuff related to work, and any notion of a hobby is pushed even further away. Sure, work-wise I'm making more money than I've ever had, I'm building a career and have responsibility that is greater than I've ever had, the future looks promising with even more money and more responsibility, but, like, why? What's the point if there is no balance in this?

Don't even get me wrong, here; I don't love my job, and I'm not being treated with respect. I'm suffering long hours and am being hammered on a regular basis. There are 'too many chiefs and not enough indians', as they say around here. The experience is good for my career, but I'm paying for it.

I'm usually so worn out that I get home and I watch tv and surf for a few hours and pass out. I'm eating like shit, I don't exercise, and I'm generally wondering why I'm letting my life go in this direction. Why? I could be much happier (I think) just being an engineer.

Oh, I don't know. I have been trying to read more often lately. I've been going up to NY pretty frequently, and I basically finished 'The Name of the Rose' on the train. I've started reading 'Riding Toward Everywhere'.

My mind is in so many places. I've also been missing my friends. I miss stupid conversations with people I trust and love. I've been hanging out with some co-workers lately, but it's pretty terrifically lame. I have to stop.

Well, you have to come to DC soon. I know I should even it out and go to your midwestern town- maybe one day.

Love,

Toe