You're the only ten I see

E-word,

Lately I think I've been thinking about the prospect of fatherhood/parenthood, and find my reaction to be a bit strange. Whenever I see a mother taking care of her baby or child out in public, be it a grocery store or the mall or driving the kids somewhere, instead of seeing the joys of motherhood I see subjugation. I feel disgust. It's the most amazing thing to me. People talk about how singular an experience motherhood is, but all I see is a woman losing her figure, birthing a monster, and losing a large portion of her life to a crying, shitting, snotting thing. At first I didn't understand where these feelings came from, but you know, we're all products of our environment. My mother gave birth four fucking times. I mean, I know that you have even more siblings than me, and all I can say is jesus fucking fuck. If I were a woman I'd probably want to carve the words 'Fuck You' across my belly with scissors than get pregnant and give birth. I mean, fuck that.

I've even thought of two women I've dated in the past who were both divorced and had either a child or two. Their children in no uncertain terms handcuffed them. I'm not saying that they didn't love their children and wouldn't sacrifice anything, but I can't help but imagine that their lives would have been even fuller if they never had to deal with the shits. Gigantic portions of their lives were totally relinquished, you know?

Perhaps this is a minority opinion. I even tried to think of the scenario of my wife giving birth and me staying home to take care of the baby, but if that happened I'd be the one being subjugated! It would be nothing less than torture.

Years ago my father, in a very drunk and open state (can't have one without the other) mentioned to me all the respect he had for my mom, and how she was cheated by the culture and times that she grew up in. He was saying that if my mom was a man, she could have done anything.

Well, in the end this is all just rhetoric. I won't really know any of this until we have children. Isn't it funny, after everything I just wrote I still express a desire to have kids?

Anyway, can't wait to hang out tonight. We'll get some good food, and have a couple of drinks, too.

Toe