Let me Be the Beatle in Your Mind

OK, I sound a little manic in yesterday's post. Feeling back to my blase self today.

Feeling a little ill still. Don't know what the deal is--could be a sinus infection, or maybe allergies. Who knows. I'm waiting on a new health provider card before I make an MD appointment.

Went to hear some great classical music the other night. I am not very knowledgeable about classical music, but I enjoy it. However, I am not usually a fan of modern composers. The quartet I saw changed my mind when they performed some Benjamin Brittain. It was dissonant, challenging to listen to, but very striking and somehow beautiful.

Funny, I often like dissonance in rock music. Why not in classical?

I managed to only nod off during the first piece, by Beethoven. I have an awful habit of falling asleep during quiet musical events. I did it once at a Robert Fripp concert. Always have the most amazing dreams when I do this, though, so it's worth potentially offending people I think.

Peeved politics

Did we just post simultaneously? Dude.

I hear what you're saying about eliminating tyranny. I could almost buy the Iraq war when it was put to me in those terms. But I kept thinking of all the tyrants we could eliminate if we were really on a tyranny-hunting trip. Shoot, as far as making the world a better place, I would much rather see us sending troops to Sudan than anywhere. Why aren't we doing anything there? Why do we let the UN take care of genocide while it's happening, whereas we get all gung-ho over a tyrant who might have a nerve gas facility/nuclear program and who committed mass murder years ago (while we were his ally, I might add)?

We might not improve the situation, as you note about Iraq. On the other hand, I think Sudan is a place a whole lot more worthy of our resources.

I am tired of being apolitical. I can't say that I have truly been such in my own mind, but I think I've allowed myself to sink into such apathy that I might as well be apolitical. I keep thinking I'm just one person, what can I do, I have my job and my work to do. My life is stressful enough. But how much goes on because none of us really give a shit? Or even if we give a shit, we don't act on the shit we give a shit about?

And what kind of action can I take? Write my congressman? Well, at least it's something. I've done it before and you usually get a little letter back and an info pack on whatever topic you wrote about. It feels satisfying. But I don't know what it accompishes, in the end. I'm just another voice in the crowd. But maybe if enough people are doing it, it will register somehow in national policy.

Work is such a refuge. The problems of work seem so small compared to those of the world, and when I look at the problems of the world and get agitated I can return to the balm of everyday work. My concerns get lost in the details, and I am paid money for doing the work, which is another nice reward. There's no money in being concerned for the world's problems.

Anyway, I've ranted enough for today. I hope I'm not completely turning you off. I think I may have just depressed myself enough to go back to work.

Don't Be Memory

I'm having trouble remembering what I did last week. I know I went out of town the week before, but for the life of me, I am having trouble piecing together any significant memories of what happened last week. I can remember Friday night because instead of going out drinking I stayed home and watched a DVD, and my voice was cracking on the phone when I talked to you about beef-smell. I remember wanting to go grocery shopping but never quite making it on Thursday. But that's about it.

I think my life is getting a little dull. Or is my memory capacity diminishing?

Hope you're surviving work thralldom. It was good talking to you the other day.

All apologies

E-word,

It was good getting a call from you, and I'm really looking forward to the Joos shirt. I haven't gotten a band tee since almost 2 years ago, when I saw Iron and Wine, and actually that might have been one of the last shows I'd been to.

I've been sitting here for a little while thinking about what you said about Iran, and being a fairly apolitical person, I've come to the conclusion that the main thing wrong with bombing Iran is economic, at least for me. I mean, the loss of life is terrible, but even beyond that, who is paying for this?

Originally I even supported the war on Iraq, based on the simplistic reasoning that even if we're going to war under false pretenses, we're getting rid of a tyrant and thus making life better for Iraqis. I still think that idea is a good one in principal. We have the power, why don't we make the world a better place with it? Of course, the implementation as far as I can see from the news has been pretty poor, and Iraqi lives over all don't seem all that much better.

It's all very naive, which while embarrassing I'm still willing to admit. I still believe that attacking tyranny is a good thing (well, the funny thing is if our administration says that, it is kind of ironic), but if the implementation is always going to be as bad as Iraq, well, then it's not such a good thing. Maybe it's just too complicated.

Anyway, I had a whole thing I wanted to talk about with regards to boredom, but I'll talk about that tomorrow.

How are things? :)

Toe

Depressing potential war news, and my foggy head

I've been reading some of the news about Iran's push toward going nuclear. They deny they are developing weapons technology, but apparently all evidence says they are. The government is giving some indication of preparing for either war with Iran or at least some kind of strike against its nuclear facilities.

I'm finding all of this really depressing. I was reading a right-leaning commentator who was talking about Iran's nuclear ambitions who actually used the phrase "grave and growing threat" without a hint of irony. This morning on NPR, some government official was quoted as saying we are more confident about what we know about Iran than we were about Iraq three years ago.

When will it stop? I don't know what to make of Iran's ambitions, and I certainly don't see nuclear weapons as a good thing, but what will attacking Iran do to help us ? Won't it drive more people into Al Quaeda? If they develop nukes, so what? Couldn't we just blow them up if they ever used them?

Anyway, I'm taking some decongestant that's making my head feel rather cottony. I am probably not making much sense. I'm sending emails and making phone calls for work, a part of me is wonder, Should I be communicating important things right now? I'm a little bit fuzzy and might be missing something important. Maybe I need to lie down.

Hope you're well, Toe. Don't let our blog go to waste.

To the max

Hey Toe, Happy Tuesday to you. I seem to be suffering from allergies or coming down with another cold. And I was feeling so healthy yesterday.

Yes, C* tried to call you from the Silver Jews show. We were waiting for the first act, I think, and I mentioned how you liked the Joos, and C* thought it would be good to call and share the moment. We were a little tipsy. Thanks for the call back, man.

The show was really quite good. I was pleasantly surprised--from reports I had heard, the concerts were great for fans, but nonfans probably wouldn't really be impressed because the Jews were a little loose and David Berman is not much of a showman. I think this has changed over the course of the tour, because he seemed really comfortable up there, telling jokes and gesturing with his hands during the songs. He has a notebook on a podium with lyrics in it, and he sometimes would refer to it, but he was never reading straight from the notebook as he sang, something I had heard he was doing. I guess the tour has helped him bone up on his songs.

The band sounded tight, and Berman's voice was very strong. C* and I were dancing (well, more like swaying) most of the show. The Joos are a big part of the soundtrack for when we were first dating, and they've been staple music for much of our marriage, too, so it was really romantic to see them live. It was a nice bonus that they actually rocked.

Saturday we went to some museums in Chicago. I enjoyed the Museum of Contemporary Art quite a bit. The Science and Industry museum was a little juvenile, and simply overwhelming--I don't think any of us enjoyed it.

I can relate to your high school memory, although I never heard of anyone breaking a urinal that way. I think there's a charismatic stoner in every school. Why people follow them, I don't know.

E-word

Streamlining the process flow

E-word,

I had a really random thought this morning. When I was a junior in HIGH SCHOOL (just so you don't get confused, this was a while ago), I went to the bathroom to take a piss, and a group of the more delinquent cool kids were in the bathroom repeatedly flushing the urinals, all of them. If anything I thought it was amusing and destructive in a way that I approved of. The ringleader, this really burned out kid named Mike, beamed at me and everyone else that came in claiming that they were the 'M* High School Flushing Team'.

What got me thinking was not so much about Mike and his team flushing idea, but the numb-nut motherfuckers who decided 'Let's do what Mike said', followed him into the bathroom, and with retard grins on their faces started flushing along side with him. Are those guys just retards, or was Mike really that charming? I thought it was pretty creative, but I doubt I could've gotten my friends to join me in flushing toilet for an entire period, or hell, even once.

They did end up damaging the urinals in the end.

I hope Chicago is doing you good, and man, the Joos should be fun tomorrow.

Toe

ABC 123 !@#

Toe, I'm in a hotel listening to 80s radio and the whir of traffic. And I am so high on coffee it's not funny. I have been off coffee for a month or so (since I got sick), and have been drinking only a few cups of black tea in the morning. I had like three cups of coffee here. Now I'm in the hotel room and I should be prepping for a meeting this afternoon, but I am so caffeinated and so feel like typing just crazy shit into the blog that I can't help myself.

Shit, they're playing the Jackson 5. I thought this was an 80s station. I heard that 80s hit "Nobody's Gonna Break-a My Stride," and you know what, it's still a bad song. But "ABC 1-2-3" will never go out of style. This song is going to be playing when you and I are in our graves.

OK, now I need to go and pack and think. I hope you're well.

Empower me!

That's great that you were able to spend some time with El this week. Again, it has to be tough having a long-distance relationship for much of the time, and any time together must be amazing.

I'm not sure how to answer the feminist questions. I think the general feminist idea right now is that women be allowed to do whatever they want. Thus the whole idea of the empowered pole dancer, whereas 30 years ago pole dancing would automatically be seen as exploiting the dancer. So, if your Korean au pair is OK with doing what she's doing, and El is OK with it, hey, that's feminist, right?

But what do I know, I'm just a guy.

I'm heading to Chicagoland on business for my main client today. I'll be back tomorrow night. Again, I feel a lot of nervous energy over the visit. I sometimes think I am not at all a people person, but I am not sure that's it. I think I'm just insecure, especially when I am supposed to act as a sort of authority.

I'll try to update from my hotel room tonight or tomorrow morning, like I did last time I was down there.

Going to Chicago on Friday for fun--to see the Silver Jews, and eat Indian food, and perhaps visit Polish town. I have no idea if it is called Polish town, but whatever. Should be fun.

Fly me to the moon

E-word,

Things have actually been pretty good here, despite my existential angst. I had a cold or something that really affected my mood, but I'm doing alright. El has been in town since last Wednesday, so it's been really nice having her around. She's playing the role of the faithful housewife, which is something she really enjoys in small doses. If she didn't have a job, I think taking care of the homestead and her husband would eventually drive her to severe depression. In fact yesterday we talked about the possibility of getting a Korean au pair when we have kids, as that would be roughly the same cost of sending a child to day care. I don't know if I can live with someone else in the house, but it was interesting to entertain that notion. She would not only take care of any children, but she'd also prepare meals and clean the house.

Man, so weird to think about that crap. Really bizarre, in fact I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this whole notion. I guess that's life in a feminist world? I mean, if El and I both choose to work full time, then that's feminist, right? But is hiring a Korean lady to take care of our children and home a feminist thing to do? I dunno, man, it's the first time I've scratched the surface of this topic.

Anyway, it's been nice having the wife around. Whenever I want to give her a hug she's right there. Pretty awesome.

When next you're in town we'll do things detrimental to our health, careers, and marriages for sure. Or maybe just eat some food and drink a couple whiskies. Or sodas. We can talk about strip clubs, maybe.

Toe

Sudoku

I am a fan of sudoku. I didn't initially fall for this game. I'm really more of a word guy, and all those numbers just intimidated me. I decided to try playing, just to see what all the fuss is about. Now I have to play the Washington Post sudoku game on-line every day.

They're easier than crossword puzzles, generally. I think the appeal is that you don't need special knowledge to complete them, which is often the case with the more difficult crosswords (NY Times, for instance). I guess this is why sudoku is so popular: They challenge you and, if you are persistent, you can complete the puzzle. In challenging crosswords, I usually reach a dead-end because I lack a knowledge of Broadway musicals or archaic words for kitchen tools.

Last train

Toe,
I forgot to mention in the last post: I am not sure when I will be back in town. I think I need to initiate my next office visit, as no one in office there seems to be too interested in inviting me. I guess it's up to me, and my initiative has been low.

I'll try to focus on the afterwork stuff--going out for drinks with you, seeing some girlie shows, playing poker. Or, more likely, maybe two drinks and some really good food.

Anyway, I will not sneak into town. You'll be one of the first to know.

So, what's got you down, man?
E-word

This trucker says "It's good to be free"

Toe, you sound a bit down. I understand what you're saying, I think. The world has changed a lot, and it changes all the time.

(although I don't think it's as radically different as the Bushies would have us think it is since 9-11--I'm tired of that line of talk...sorry getting political).

I also think that our perception of the world changes quite a bit as we get older. I overheard someone pretty young (early 20s?) refer to sadness as an emotional anomaly. I laughed to myself, thinking "This kid doesn't know how sad life can be." Then I remembered I used to think that happiness was the emotional baseline too when I was young. Maybe it should be, ideally, but it's hard to maintain.

That bitter laughter was somewhat revelatory. I used to be a happier person, I realize, and now I am not. I don't think I'm particularly unhappy, but I don't have as rosy an image of life as I used to. I'm wondering where I made that change, or if it's just the result of experience. Or is it because the world is different now? I don't know.

I am still a damned optimist.

Work continues to be anxiety ridden, but not as much. I diverted a little work to someone else, so that relieved some pressure. I hope you are feeling better today. C* is still under the weather, I feel slightly congested still, but I think we're improving overall.

Anyway, I feel like I'm blabbing in the vaguest way. I had a strong childhood memory this morning I thought I might write about today, but now I can't even remember what it was. Maybe later. I'm going to stop now and think about the Grand Canyon. I can still see our campsite, and the Miller High Life on the picnic table, and the view we had after that hike...

And now I realize I'm living like a trucker does

E-word,

I have no good reason why we skipped Monument Valley, unless it was really out of our way. Even that doesn't make that much sense, since we didn't really have a 'way', really.

It's weird to think on that trip now. I just went through some of my old lj pages, and unfortunately the server I had the images on is gone now. We saw some truly amazing things, and that time is getting further and further away. 2 1/2 years ago now. Time flies.

I hope C* is feeling better. I'm feeling a bit under the weather myself. I'm very tired and my lymph nodes are a little swollen. I think I'm getting better, I'm thankful that this was a very low level cold, or whatever it was.

Life is strange. What I mean is things are changing, the world is not the same as it was when we were children. I know what I'm saying is obvious, but the frame of reference we had (the lives of our parents) is not that useful, I think. We're striking it out on our own, and it's odd and frightening.

It could be the cold, or the cold medicine talking. I'm sorry your job is stressing you out. In fact, the stress you have is one of those frightening things I'm talking about.

Man. Life, what can you do. Hey, do you know when you'll back in this neck of the woods? It'd be good to hang out again.

Toe

Patch Adams

OH, that was a hilarious description of you and Robin Williams in church. I can imagine the whole scene, including the nonchalant New Yorkers (how the hell do they pull that off?). Do you feel special, knowing that Robin Williams goes to the same church as you? Does this mean you share the same beliefs? Does this mean if I called him up and asked him to meet me in Adams Morgan for Ethiopian food, he would do it?

OK, I'm procrastinating.

Your description of him looking gnome-like amused me to no end.

Floor of the sky

Man, good to hear from you. Sounds like a good weekend with El. C* had a relapse this weekend, so we didn't do much except stay around the house. I am still feeling slightly under the weather, coughing a little, but haven't had the full relapse like C* did.

I thought of you this morning because I was reading an article in the Sunday Times travel section about Monument Valley down in Arizona.



I'm wondering why we didn't stop there? The pictures look amazing. Anyway, the article gave me fond memories of the western scenery, particularly the day we left the GC. What a good time that was.

So far, work has sucked so bad this week. My job description is expanding like a fricking supernova. People are being of no help to me on directives that they themselves say must be accomplished. Fires are exploding on the periphery of my administrative domain, and I have to get up from my desk chair every other minute to stamp them out. When I get back to my desk, no sooner have a swept the dust from my hands and asked "Where was I?", another fire erupts. OK, really tired metaphor, I know, but it is working for me today, and I have to get back to it.

That's an odd phenomenon, by the way, the prostitution-for-fashion-items. WTF?

It's a possibility to live without lips

E-word,

Thanks for those thoughts on 'grups'. It's good to have nephews and nieces that are in their late teens and early twenties, it at least keeps you in the know of what kids are like. I have a cousing around that age, but I'm not close to him at all, so much so that I'm not sure what we'd talk about.

Anyway, happy Monday. I spent a good weekend in New York, eating and indulging probably a little too much. We also had a New York moment; Robin Williams was in the congregation of our church last night. El actually saw him run into the bathroom before the service, just as I was exiting. She was being silly about it, saying we should go up and say 'hi' or sit next to him. As people filed in, if they recognized him, for the most part they just ignored him, something I found nearly impossible. I'm a star-struck bumpkin, I admit it. I tried to be cool about it, but I kept thinking, wow, there's Robin Williams! I loved the Fisher King, Good morning, Vietnam, and Good Will Hunting! He was an awesome genie in Aladdin! I found myself constantly looking over at him, to see what this guy was doing. He didn't do much, actually, he was wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, and his hair was choppy and dyed red. He's short wrinkly, and very stocky. If he weren't a famous person, I'd just thought he was some spinstery New Yorker. I'm pretty sure I would've noticed him, though, because he really looked kind of gnome-like.

During the service I was able to forget he was there, but as soon as the service ended, my eyes were on him. As far as I could tell, only one person asked for his autograph. Otherwise he was just another person. New Yorkers are so cool.

I also had an interesting conversation with El. I had read somewhere on the web about the phenomenon of Japanese teenagers prostituting themselves to buy luxury items, and when I mentioned it to El, she said, yeah, I knew some people in high school who did that. She told me that these girls would hang out in Ginza, and salarymen would drive by in their cars, and shout out money amounts to them. El was saying all the Korean girls would talk about what food they ate when they went home, and what snacks they were able to smuggle back to the states, and all the Japanese girls would talk about what salarymen they bagged and what new Louis Vuitton bags or clothing they bought. Crazy. It's not like these girls were poor, they were all going to expensive privates schools. I guess they found that kind of behavior 'thrilling' or something. El was so cute, she was saying that the Korean girls (for the most part) were so innocent compared to the Japanese. This was over ten years ago, so who knows what the Korean girls are like now.

Hope you had a good weekend!